Because who has time for an eternity?
[Local naked cblogger NakedBigBoss has some tips for you in case you’re drowning in a big backlog. Chances are, if you have a backlog, then it exists because you’re older and have adult responsibilities. I mean, if you’re younger than that, I don’t think a tip about using your vacation days to your advantage applies to you. ~Strider]
Have you ever felt like you weren’t making any progress in your life? Like you were stuck and weren’t moving forward? That no matter how hard you tried, you seemed to be right back where you started? Well, then you must be staring down a near-infinite gaming backlog (probably). Gaming backlogs are a part of life, especially if you are an older gamer like me. As we get older and find jobs, the time we used to dedicate to gaming decreases tremendously. Though work gives us the finances we need to add to our gaming library, the sheer amount of time we spend going to work, working, and returning home means completing that game you just bought appears to be borderline impossible.
But worry not! With my patented, yet-to-be-copyrighted techniques, you’ll go from pining for your simple youthful days playing Xenogears for eight hours straight to completing The Nathan Drake Collection with enough time for dinner, walkin🌸g th🍎e dog, and snuggles with yourself/significant other!
Stop spending this on more video games when you haven’t even finished Infamous Second Son yet!
Naked Tip #1 – Stop spending your paycheck on more games/systems
Look, I get it. You finally got a job and became an adult and look at you, Now I Have Disposable Income Person. Looking at those digits in your bank account makes you feel good, doesn’t it? Powerful. Like you can buy anything you want now. Yep, everything is coming up roses for you.
But what’s that? You never finished those XBLA games you purchased during that last big sale, have you? Did you even START any of them? Oh, I’m sure buying that Wii U with your first check made you happy, and yeah, you deserve something congratulatory, but did you complete all of your Wii games? And now you’re buying a PS4 with your partner when you already made a mini-backlog with that Wii U you purchased? Are you mad? Also, where the hell did all the time go STOP BUYING THINGS DURING THE LATEST PLAYSTATION FLASH SALE, YOU IGNORANT BUFFOON!
Temptations are real, and they do pop up in the video game entertainment industry. And yes, you have money now and that’s a great step forward in your life, but you have to be sensible about it. You know what’s more vital than games? Rent. Food. Things you need for your house/apartment like furniture, clothes, etc. Most importantly, you will never make a dent in your gaming backlog IF YOU CONTINUE ADDING MORE SHIT ONTO IT. The less games you have, the higher the possibility you will have time to complete them. So save your money and take that first step towards destroying that backlog (unless something is, like, $10 or less that you really want. Because really, when is a sale that good ever going to pop up again?!).
Yeah, this guy’s hilarious, but he’s seriously costing you some very important video game time!
Naked Tip #2 – Limit the time you spend watching YouTube personalities
You’ve come home from a long day of work. You’re tired. You want to unwind. What better way to relax than watching silly YouTube videos? And there’s people out there reacting to playing video games?! Hey, they are just like me! Let me spend a few minutes watching Markiplier/Dashie/Game Grumps/literally hundreds of gamers on YouTube.
Only it’s too easy to fall into a YouTube spiral. You know what I mean: you watch one person play a game, laugh at their jokes, subscribe to them, and end up viewing their older videos. Then you look at people they are subscribed to. Hey, these guys play games too and are also entertaining! Let me check them out. And so on and so on, until the end of time.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Hey, I check out YouTube every day, and I hate missing a new video on a channel I am subscribed to. But you have to space these things out. Watch a video or two, then go back to playing that game inserted into your console that you played last. Because while it’s fun to watch gamers on YouTube review something you love/freak out over a horror game/slowly lose their mind playing something brutal like Dark Souls, it’s even FUNNER having all those things happen to you. You aren’t getting any younger, so play your damn video games instead of watching someone else do the same, so you can feel that connection to your younger self and remember those simpler days EVEN IF IT IS JUST FOR A FEW HOURS.
“I’m feeling really anxious about my video game backlog and must stay home to complete it” is a valid excuse to stay home from work
Naked Tip #3 – Use your annual days/sick time to avoid your job
Working a 9-5 job can be quite stressful. It’s even tougher if you have a long commute (it takes me two hours to get to work, and two hours to get home, five days a week). What is the infinite backlog gamer to do with such a situation? It’s quite simple, really.
Don’t go to work.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am NOT saying quit your job so you can have all the time you need to lay that backlog to rest. That’s very selfish and irresponsible of you to even think that. Besides, you’ll never get to play new games or pay for the internet/electricity without money. But I AM saying use your sick/annual days to your advantage. Any employer knows that you aren’t going to feel one-hundred percent every work day, and they know you’re going to need time off sometimes. If your job gives you a set amount of days you can use to stay home within a year, plan that shit out and USE THEM. Send an email/text to your boss to let them know in advance if you are feeling sick/need to do a complete playthrough of GTA V, and you take that time and commit to that game. Save a few days for an actual illness so you aren’t blindsided with a fever out of the blue. If you work part-time, a dayshift, or a nightshift, then plan your gaming hours around your schedule. Work is stress, and everybody needs to de-stress sometimes. It turns out that gaming is one of the many ways we can do just that.
There ain’t no shame in resorting to a guide, unless it’s one of these, because the internet is free, dummy
Naked Tip #4 – Use a guide/walkthrough
Little twelve-year-old you is probably crying tears of betrayal right now. “How could you use a guide? Guides ruin the game and are just another form of cheating,” I hear mine saying.
Well screw you, younger me that doesn’t exist anymore.
Maybe guides were considered sinful when you were gaming back in the day, little one, but you had more luxury time at home and less responsibilities, didn’t you? Free time is something to cherish in your thirties, and you have to use that time wisely for gaming. You no longer have the time to play through an entire game, then immediately go back to it and find all the little things you missed. For all of the completionists out there, please, use a guide if you need to. I know playing through a game is an adventure and filled with new experiences, but using a walkthrough in this day and age isn’t tantamount to treason.
As an example, I played through DOOM recently, and let me tell you, I used a video guide to help me find all of the collectibles. Yes, the auto map showed where most of them were, but they didn’t show where all of the classic DOOM levels were located or where the switch was to unlock them. I did not feel dirty following a video to find them because I don’t have hours of my life to spend combing through every last inch of a level to find a tiny lever in some corner of the map. Right now I’m tackling The Nathan Drake Collection and actually didn’t use a guide to find all of the collectible treasures in the first two games. Unlike other titles, the Uncharted game series has a chapter select option that shows how many treasures you’ve obtained in each level. I found a lot by myself, but you better believe it was not beneath me to use an online guide to find all of the ones I missed. And now that I’m on the third game in the series, I just want to find everything in one go, so I just said fuck it and am using a guide to find everything in my first playthrough. Just use a guide, completionists with too many responsibilities. It’s okay. No one is going to laugh at you and if you’re embarrassed, I promise I won’t tell anyone (unless they offered me money for your innermost secrets).
You can either fall asleep or catch up with all of those Pokémon games; the choice is yours
Naked Tip # 5 – Use your commute to your advantage
Going to work sucks big time when you have a loooooooooooong commute. If you have trouble sleeping or simply stay up late catching up on all of your incomplete games, it’s even worse, because then you’ll be tempted to take a nap. But resist that urge, my friend.
Hey, I see you nodding off. Listen to me. I’M TELLING YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT THAT IS VIDEO GAME RELATED.
It’s taking you hours to get to work, hopping from bus to train and vice versa? Why not use that commute time to your advantage? Charge that 3DS/Vita the night before, turn it on before leaving the house, and stuff it in your bag. While on the train or bus, whip it out and go to town on that handheld backlog you have. You have so many Pokémon left to catch and gym leaders to defeat! You never killed all of those Gold Skulltulas in Ocarina of Time 3D, did you? Hey, that guy sitting across from you wants a quick match in Super Smash Bros.! Use that time on the train to work on that backlog. It may not help with your console games at home, but of course you got caught up in a downward spiral and amassed a backlog on your handhelds too, so take some initiative and plow through those games. Just make sure you don’t miss your stop.
I still feel this delight from time to time; it’s never too late to have fun!
I hope I was able to provide some advice to all of the older gamers out there who struggle with playing games in their backlog while juggling real-world shit at the same time. In closing, let me add that having a partner to tackle co-op video games with will absolutely help in completing said titles faster, take advantage of the weekends, and unfortunately I didn’t account for having children (if anyone has kids and has tips for gaming backlogs, please share with me in the comments below!). Getting older isn’t always easy, but it doesn’t mean we have to give up on the things that made us happy as kids, especially video games. There’s always time to play games and chip away at that backlog, so never feel that playing through all of your various titles on your various consoles is an impossibility. And if you can’t dedicate the time to your backlog, at least you’ll have something to burden your offspring with finishing when they are old enough to hold that controller.
Published: Aug 19, 2016 06:00 pm