Occamsdex: Shin Megami Tensei compendium edition

Mara rides again, so NSFW

Ever since we came up with the idea for Occamsdex, I have been looking for the excuse to do a Shin Megami Tensei entry, as it 🌞is my favorite RPG series. Besides, what would you expect from someone that named themselves after Pixie the Fairy?

With the release of Shin Megami Tensei IV: Apocalypse this week, I have the perfect excuse to do just that and I turned to the community last week to submit their favorite demonic beasties and deities from that multi-faceted series. Turns out I got more submissions than I did for No Man’s Sky. Enough that we may return to SMT again in time.

So what happens when something leaps from the min꧙d of Kazuma Kaneko into the eyeba♔lls of community manager Occams? Enter the Cathedral of Shadows and find out!

Ose

Looks like if Drizzt Do’Urden was a furry. You have to give credit to the beast king fella who is comfortable in a very dramatic cape and the same loincloth/codpiece that Sting wore in Dune.

According to the lore he is a “Great King of Hell.” Which…yeah, no shit. Leopard man wearing tightie whities and a cape that would make Liberace swoon, all while dual-wielding swords? You have my vote!

Scathach

So this one is some kinda of Scottish warrior lady mythological figure. The Scottish have mythology? I figured one day a bunch of sea scorpions came onto land and boom, Scotland is born.

She looks like a slutty, undead Carmen Sandiego. From her wiki “Scathach also grants Cu Chulainn the ‘friendship of her thighs’ (they have sex) when his training is almost complete.”

“Friendship of her thighs.” Ladies and gentlemen, we have entered a new era in humanity now that this phrase is known to us.

Fuu-Ki

First off, let’s take a moment to acknowledge how funny that name is.

Now that’s done, we’ve got what happens when you mix Kurt Cobain with a mini-boss from Onimusha. This one is so on the nose, too. The swirl patterns on its outfit? It’s like, ugh, we get it, you’re a wind demon. You don’t have to dress like it. Looks like you stole someone’s fugly drapes from the ’70s.

Tam Lin 

“A famous fairy who lures young women away to ruin them.”

So he’s a Lord of the Rings-looking elf dude who likes to punch V-cards.

“A woman named Janet fell in love with him and freed him from the Fairy Queen.”

Janet, huh? Not exactly the most mythic of names. The timeless beauty of Janet. I mean it’s not a bad name. It’s just that common-people names feel weird in myths. Makes me think of Janet Brady. And Janet from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Mmmmm…that’s one vanilla sundae I wouldn’t mind driving out to the desert and throwing into a deep crevice.

Sati

It looks like one of those 19th-century French posters advertising absinthe went goth. But like, high-class-hooker goth. Also, she’s on fire.

Oh shit, turns out she committed suicide by setting herself on fire because her husband didn’t get invited to a god party (ritual sacrifice).

That is one hell of a mountain to die on. But I guess when you are a deity and everything you do is a metaphor for the human condition, the rules are a little different.

Yoshitsune

Asian Link! I like his little hat. Apparently this was based on a real guy whose life ended when he was forced to commit suicide alongside his wife and daughter. Yeesh, and I thought having to go to Christmas Day mass was a pain. 

Uzume

Ever been to a Halloween party where someone is trying way too hard? I like her circle tattoos, though. Simple design.

Though wearing a fan as a mask… chances are that we are not going to get along. Or you are Lady Gaga and you decided to go to Arby’s. 

Arioch

Reminds me of this gay guy I knew in college who always made such a show about how gross and weird he thought vaginas were. I like that it has super grandma boobs that are ear-level and that it went to the same shop as Mike Haggar for chest belts.

In Hebrew, Arioch apparently means “fierce lion.” So if you are a lady and want to really class up your ham wallet, call it an “Arioch” — especially if you are cultivating the undergrowth. 

Mara

So according to the wiki, “In Buddhist myth, Mara is also known as ‘The Evil One,’ a tempter, through the deceit of regarding the mundane and negative as alluring, and personifies unwholesome impulses, unskillfulness, and the ‘death’ of the spiritual life.”

Makes you really think that the Buddhists were onto something. I bet for really super religious women who think sex is only for procreation, this is pretty relatable. Just replace balls with a blade chariot, which is fair. Balls are weird. Like two hard boiled eggs in a skin pouch. In the grand realm of external genitalia, that’s still a head-scratcher for me.

Also, you just know someone out there got this as a tattoo and immediately regretted it.

Next on Occamsdex: Pokémon Gen 2