As you likely already know, the next Kingdom Hearts game is called … Dream Drop Distance. Really, Square Enix? Just when I thought the series couldn’t get even more pretentious with names like 358/2 Days and Birth By Sleep, you really know it out of the park with what is both a pointlessly ob🌃tuse name and an awful attempt at wordplay.
Unfortunately, the names only speak of the content within — which has managed to become so contrived and waffling over the course of multiple spin-offs, that any interest I may have had in Kingdom Hearts 3 has been summarily executed by Square’s need to over-explain and over-complicate what was once a perfectly simple plot — not to mention dialog that consists of the words “heart” and “darkness” repeated roughly 150,000 times per cutscene.
Seriously, Famitsu this week, and how Droopy Dog Dicks will hint toward the future sequel and … I can’t care anymore. A game I’ve wanted for years, and my energy for it has been sucked away completely.
I must, however, express just how impressed I am by the way in which the series has been milked to death without even reaching a second sequel. All these pompous mobile releases have managed to make the series stale and meaningless before Kingdom Hearts 3 has even been officially announced. That’s a record, even by Square Enix’s standards of saturation.
Published: Jul 13, 2011 12:00 pm