Potential HTC Vive customer wonders how much kidney will fetch on the black market (Fauxclusive)

Because you only need one, right?

Following the announcement of international pricing for the HTC Vive, Brighton resident and VR gaming enthusiast Aaron Finnick began poking the le🀅ft side of his body trying to guess how much his kidney would be worth on the open market.

The highly anticipated device will begin shipping this April. Finnick 𝓀says he’s been saving his brass and bread for months to get the VR device, but admits he isn’t even close to raising enough money. While trying to picture how his body would loꦗok with a bathtub-surgery scar, Finnick says the idea of going under the knife just to pay for a piece of gaming tech has caused quite the collywobbles.

“It’s nerve-wracking really, but when it’s over I figure I’ll be nice and minted. My bruvva has a friend who knows a bloke who knows a bloke who knows this other bloke who says he got this chav about 1,600 quid for selling his kidney to some toff with a nose for Charlie,” Finnick said. “With that kind of dosh I could quit me night job at the Maccy D’s, because frankly I don’t give a kipper’s dick about that place. Besides, I’m going to need all that free time to play Job Simulator on me Vive.”

Finnick has 💯been assured everything will be tickety-boo with the surgery, but his mother Agnes has serious doubts about the plan. Finnick says she pleads with him everyday to reconsider.

“Mum calls me a wazzock, says I’m sixpence short of a shilling to even be thinking about selling it; says the guy’s a nutter who might cock it up and nick my twigs and berries or something. I keep telling her she’s not going to change my mind banging on about it. This is the HTC Vive we’re talking about. This isn’t some howler I’ll come to regret a year from now.”

For its part, HTC says consu𒁏mers should not resort to selling off organs to pay for the device until after they’ve tried starting a ponzi scheme or marrying a wealthy man on his deathbed.