Superbowl Sunday Sidequests

[Editor’s Note: Let it be known that I had this done on time. Due to technical problems I couldn’t post it yesterday. Sorry.]

Ah, Superbowl Sunday! For many, an awesome holiday in a sea of mediocre ones (Easter? Valentine’s Day? Pfft.), for gamers, not so much. But, I’m sure some of you out there appreciate the great sport of football, with your tackling each other and whatnot. Grabbin’ balls.

This week, I have a Bears-themed game! Why? Because they’re bastards and they lost me five bucks! That’s not a very good reason. Truthfully, it just worked out that way. It’s a good game. Promise.

I’m going to try and write this in between buffalo wings.

Warbears – If you do one thing wrong you have to do everything over again. Ugh.

Damn this game to hell. It’s confusing, hard to play, unforgiving, and unBEARably cute. It also causes me to make bad puns. The premise is that you’re a group of bears–a group of , if you will–and you must save hostages. Actions must be completed in a certain order so that you may complete the game, adding an almost unprecedented level of douchiness.

Give it a try, but don’t bother me when you punch holes through your computer screen.

Cyrkam Airtos – One of my favorite flash games of all time.

After posting “!” last week, a reader named Woverine left this little nugget in the comments. I clicked it, and became elated at the sight of . It brought back so many memories. I used to be sick at this game. Ah, it’s so good. It’s throw paper, but it’s also catch paper, and hit paper airplanes, and whatnot. The techno background music and your smarmy asshole office buddy enhance the game further, and, let’s not forget its stylish look. Everything about this game is good. Play it.

Save Boston – This game gives the middle finger to Boston so hard.

Ah, Boston, how I loathe you. Not only do I live in New York, land of skyscrapers and amazing baseball franchises, but now they have humiliated all of America with their fear of Lite Brites. That’s double hatred right there. Anyway, is essentially whack-a-mole with a bunch of Boston sayings and Mooninites. The Mooninites chime in with famous Boston sayings, annoying as ever, and your job is to blast them. As you kill more and more, you unlock different Mooninites… I don’t think they even do anything.

Lightning Round – Insert something clever here.

– I can’t figure this god damned thing out.

– A somewhat mediocre Flash shoot ’em up, but, a good timewaster.

– I’m sure there’s something in the Bushido code about this.

And thus ends tꦆhis week of Sunday Sidequests, slightly Super Bowl themed. My drunk neighbors are screaming through my windows,🎃 so I am going to throw things at them. Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel.

(Oh, and, there’s a g-mail account where you can send Flash games, I heard.)