It's weird that this hit the Switch before a Netflix app, right?

Stranger Things 3: The Game is a note-for-note retelling of Stranger Things season three, released day and date with the popular Netflix series. If you haven't seen it, Stranger Things (the show) draws influence from several retro sources, most notably the novels of Stephen King and child-endangerment movies of the '80s such as The Goonies and Stand By Me. Similarly, the Stranger Things video game takes inspiration from games of days gone by, especially ??late SNES titles. This is a little ironic since the show is set in 1985, just before the Nintendo Entertainment System debuted in select markets in the U.S., and the Super NES graphics the game is imitating wouldn't show up for another decade. 

I'll do my best to avoid spoilers in this review, but odds are pretty good if you're reading this, you've al??ready binged your way through the latest season. If not, the short, spoiler-free version: It's a fun co-op game, but there are a few technical problems that keep it from greatness. Namely, it goes on a little too lon??g and follows the source material a little too closely.

Stranger Things 3: The Game (PC, PS4, Xbox One, Switch [reviewed])
Developer: BonusXP
Publisher: Netflix
Released: July 4, 2019
MSRP: $19.99

Sttranger Things 3: The Game (ST3) is a cooperative brawler featuring mo??????????????????????????st of the cast of the hit Netflix show, and follows their adventures as they face off against yet another eldritch monstrosity turning their peaceful midwest town into a realm of nightmares. The "Mind Flayer" which possessed Will last year is still influencing people and events in the town of Hawkins, Indiana, and it's up to the same group of youngsters (and the few adults who believe them) to save the day. 

The story this time revolves around Hawkins' new Starcourt mall, and just like the show?? it involves foreign investors making shady real estate deals, a secret lab devoted to accessing another dimensio?n, and a whole lot of squelchy creatures spawned by unethical science experiments. 

The game takes place from an isometric viewpoint which works well with the brawler-style gameplay. Each character has a different attack and special ability based on their appearance and actions in the show. Two playable characters are on screen at all times, and playe??rs can quick?ly swap between them if they're playing alone, or bring along a friend to play in split-screen co-op.

Co-op is handled very?? well, with a second player able to join at any time simply by turning on a second controller. Each player gets half the screen, and you can explore freely in different directions if you want to. Even better, dropping out is just as easy, and AI takes over seamlessly if the second player wants to quit. If you're playing alone you can issue simple commands to your AI partner, telling them to wait, follow, or use their special ability with the touch of a button. 

When you start the game you only have access to a few of the cast, bu??t as the story progresses up to 12 characters can be unlocked. Each character has their own special ability, and several of these can be used to aid in traversal or gain access to hidden secrets. 

Most of the gamepla??y revolves around beating up various creatures and evil humans, then collecting the money and items they drop to craft "Trinkets" which boost one or more characters' abilities. These range from an upgraded wallet and the classic nail bat to more exotic items such as a Wonder Woman costume or a belching contest trophy. The ??trinkets each affect different sets of characters, and it helps to consider whether your current party is composed of kids, adults, males, or female heroes and adjust your equipment accordingly. The most powerful and difficult to craft trinkets only affect a single character, but these usually offer a much greater benefit to offset their lessened utility.

For the most part this system works pretty well, but I did run into a couple of sticking poi?nts where I didn't have the items to craft a progression-crucial item and ended up having to grind for money so I could buy something I needed to move the plot along. This didn't happen often, and when it did I usually worked on ??another quest for a while instead of worrying too much about it. Many characters in Hawkins have jobs you can do to earn some extra pocket money if the spare change you're earning by slaying monsters isn't sufficient. 

ST3's gameplay borrows heavily from previous entries in the beat-em-up genre, especially games like River City Ransom. The developers even threw in a Smash Bros. style shield each character can use to block and (if timed well) gain some bonus damage. What it reminds me of most, however, is a darker version of Lucasarts' classic Zombies Ate My Neighbors. I can't think of too many other games where you can kill demons by throwing ice cream at them.The writing in the game is a little lighter than the show, and the developers snuck in some extra era-appropriate pop culture references and jokes. Parallels to Earthbound can be made as well, since psyc?hic kids fighting against evil extraplanar entities while the majority of the townsfolk turn a blind eye is kind of th?at series' whole thing. 

The combat is reasonably satisfying, the ??gameplay loop is fun, the pixel graphics are e??xcellent, co-op is well done, and the source material is engaging. What could go wrong?For starters, the sound is kind of underwhelming. There are only a few music tracks and they repeat constantly as you explore an area, only changing when you move to a new area or during a cutscene. Thankfully they're all pretty mellow and low-key, inspired by the synthwave show opener that accompanies the glowing red title screen. The music isn't bad, it's just kind of there. 

The same can't be said for the attack sound effects. You'll hear them incessantly, and some are far more irritating than others. Jonathan's meaty punch sound was amusing the first few times I heard it, but it got old quickly when I realized there was no difference between hitting a person, a bush, or a squelchy abomination composed of quivering meat. Erica's squeaky autohammer has to be the worst attack sound ?of all, which is a shame since the built-in stun effect is quite useful. 

I found it a little odd how ingrained into the gameplay Coca-cola products are. You restore energy for your special attacks by chugging a New Coke (one of the biggest disasters in marketing history, by the way), and there's always a can on the right side of your character's heads-up display. If the game is ever delisted, I suspect this tie-in will have a lot to do wi??th it.

Some of the other issues I ran into may be a result of the hardware I was playing on, since I received code for the Switch version of the game. Loading screens are quite frequent (though they don't last very long), and I noticed some frame drops whenever action on screen got particularly intense or whenever the game autosaved. This didn't affect my play very much, but it did make it more difficult to time my blocking and resulted in a few deaths I don't think I d??eserved. I'm not sure if the Xbox One, PS4 or PC versions have this problem, but as I mentioned it was a relatively minor issue.

I think the biggest problem I had with the game was its pacing. My wife and I binge-watched the show's entire third season the day it released, which took up about eight hours. Playing through the game's story took about 12. Granted, I was doin??g ??every side quest and exploring thoroughly to try and find hidden items, but I don't think it would have taken much less time to play through nothing but the critical path.

Almost nothing shown on scree?n during the Netflix show is left out, which begs the question; what's the purpose of the game? The story has already been handled better and more cinematically. If it's for people who want to relive the experience of the T?V show, well, they could just watch the series again. The show does a better job of building dread, has more engaging characters, and simply tells the story better than the game does.

It's impressive to see everything fro??m the sho?w I just watched in pixel form, but there doesn't seem to be any reason for it other than marketing. That's a shame, because BonusXP clearly put a lot of time and effort into the title and it makes me wish the developer hadn't been quite so slavish to the source material. 

I'm conflicted. Cooperative titles like this are hard to find nowadays, especially with drop-in, drop-out co-op. There's no denying it's fun exploring with a friend and the game contains some genuinely clever challenges, especially during the boss fights. There'??s the seed of a great game here, and I'd genuinely like to see more like it. I really hope BonusXP gets the chance to use this engine to make something else: It's pretty good for a licenced product, but?? ultimately, that's all it is. 

_{[This review is based on a retail build of the game provided by the publisher.]}

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Look away, kids

When I first heard about the great mayo versus ketchup debate in Splatoon 2, I didn't think much of it. "Another topic I'm not at all ?invested in (but will fight to the death to uphold for the bonuses)," I thought to myself. I should've connected the dots, though. How do mayo and ketc??hup translate to ink colors?

Horrifically. The answer is horrifically.

There's also this:

I'm glad I went with ketchup, to say the least.

In North America, the Splatfest runs for ?24 ?hours starting tonight at 9:00pm Pacific.

[Via Nintendo Everything]

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It'll serve you well

Video Game Advisor (Twitter, Tumblr) is a resource I didn't know I wanted.

The archive captures those moments when video games attempt to give advice about life, love, and beyond. Sometimes, the message is insightful. Other time??s, it's downright wei??rd.

"You won't get through your teen years without at least one egg," as a wise man (who coincidentally sells eggs -- fresh, beautiful eggs!) once said.

Scrolling through the collection, these were some of? my favorites:

[Via Super Punch]

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Parents don't stand a chance

This month, the inevitable will happen for the billion-dollar Skylanders franchise: it'll pair up with McDonald's for placement in Happy Meals. Nine toys based on Skylanders Giants wil?l be offered from April 12 to May 2 in North America, with other countries to follow.

Going a step further, the restaurant will throw in coupons for $10 off the Skylanders Giants star??ter pack. Clearly, these companies have this business figured out. The featured characters, pictured below, include: Spyro, Gill Grunt, Drobot, Chop Chop, Ignitor, Jet-Vac, Tree Rex, Crusher, and Kaos.

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Come one! Come all! To Nintendo's House of Smut and Sadism!

Nintendo has been trying its best to prove that its hardware is not just for children, but then things happen and it's back to the kiddie corner. The most recent roadblock has been a nonsensical eShop restriction that prev???ented anyone in the European territories from purchasing 18+ rated games until the wee hours of the night. All because Nintendo of Europe was adhering to some backwards German television law that should have had no bearing on digital software distribution.

Well, no more! A notice has appeared on the European eShop stating that the? restrictions have been lifted on both 3DS and Wii U, ?allowing users to browse and purchase mature content at any time. Once again, it was all down to Germany's Entertainment Software Self-Regulation Body, the USK, which was finally convinced that Nintendo's parental controls were adequate enough to prevent little ones from looking at naughty things. Oh Germany, you rascal.

Now that the gates have been thrust wide open, the European youth will no doubt sink into a pit of ??????????????????????????depravity from all that hardcore sex and violence Nintendo was trying to shield them from. Or not.

Nintendo of Europe removes age restriction ??on both eShops [GoNintendo]

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This is what killers have learned to do now

A Washington state teen has been charged with murder, the 14-year-old having shot his mother and father in the head after he was grounded from electronic devices. Nathon Brooks may be tried as an?? adult for the crime, though reports suggest he might be suffering from mental illness of some kind. 

Brooks, for his part, has decided to shift the blame to violent videogames, in what looks like a cynical exploitation of ludicrous stereotypes to avoid accountability. 

"He said he quit playing violent videogames because he thought they were making him more violent," said Moses Lake police Sgt. Mike Wil?liamst. "I asked him how much he played video games, and he told me '24/7,' up until he got his electronics taken away."

Brooks added a voice in his head was telling him to murder his parents, Jonathan and Elizabeth, and he had in fact considered murdering them since the age of eight. You can expect news sources to not focus so much on the "murderous head voice" thing and find the "GTA definitely did it" part far more salacious.

As we saw with Norway shooter Anders Brevik,?? it's looking like killers have taken note of the fact they can shift accusing eyes away from themselves by pointing at violent videogames -- a tactic eagerly swallowed up by news sources, parents, and politicians.

Thanks entirely to the efforts of FOX News, CNN, Leland Yee, and a host of other reckless disseminators of assumption-po??sing-as-fact, videogames are an easy way for a criminal to pass the buck and take some of the heat off themselves. It might not be a "get out of jail free" card -- yet -- but it's demonstrably effective in allowing murderers respite from their own responsibility. 

That someone can kill people in cold blood, blame videogames ... and actually have that blame accepted by influential people, is beyond atrocious. Nathan Brooks won't be the last one to try it, either, and he won't be the last to find a society more than willing to hear ??him out. Utterly disgusting. 

14-Year-Old Shoots Parents, Blames Video Games [GamePolitics] [Image source]

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Games compared to pedophiles, because that's not irresponsible!

Former politician and consumer advocate Ralph Nader has decided to throw his lot in with the perpetrators of moral panic, writing off videogames as "electronic child molesters." Ta?lk a??bout a socially responsible statement!

The jab at videogames was tossed into a wider attack on president Barac?k Obama.

"Tomorrow I’ll watch another rendition of political bullshit by the newly reelected president, full of promises that he intends to break just like he did in 2009," Nader proclaimed. "??He promised he'd be tough on Wall Street, and not one of these crooks have gone to jail -- they got some inside trading people, but that’s peripheral.

"We are in the peak of?? [violence in entertainment]. Television program violence? Unbelievable. Video game violence? Unprecedented. I’m not saying he wants to censor this, I think he should sensitize people that they should protect their children family by family from these kinds of electronic child moleste?rs."

I wonder what Nader's suggestion would be, but it seems his idea is that the ??president should address this "important" social i??ssue by making parents think videogames are pedophiles. 

The sad fact is, I'd almost be on the side of some of these politicians if they could make their cases without going so far into lunatic territory with their attacks. Should "violent" videogames not be sold to children? Sure. Could parents do a better job of ensuring kids don't spend every waking hour playing games? Absolutely. Why can't we make that point without having to lie about the content of the games, or comparing them to sexua??l p??redators? 

This is why we get turned off to anybody trying to save the chilluns, because they do so in ways that could only be considered offensive, dishonest, and downright vile. Nader's fundamental thoughts are reasonable -- his desire to communica??te those though??ts via particularly loathsome comparisons, not so much.

Inauguration 2013: Ralph Nader sees 'polit??ic?al bulls---' [Politico via Gameranx]

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18-rated games locked until 11pm each night

Nintendo has confirmed German law as the reason for a stupid restriction that stops European eShop customers buying 18-rated games like ZombiU during the ??day. Because Nintendo of Europe is based in Germany, all of Europe is locked out of adult game purchased until 11pm?-3am. 

"Legal age restriction requirements vary across a number of European countries," Nintendo told Eurogamer. "Since Nintendo of Europe is based in Germany, Nintendo eShop is complying with German youth protection regulation which therefore applies to all our European markets.? Under German law, content rated 18+ must be made available only at night.

"Therefore the accessibility of 18+ content in Nintendo eShop is limited to [USK??: 22:00 UTC until 4:00 UTC?] [PEGI: 23:00 UTC until 3:00 UTC]."

Nintendo's excuses still don't change much -- this is still a pathetic placebo rule, and it's gross that users had to find out about it after the fact because of how carelessly Nintendo implemented it. It's also still patently ridiculous that an entire territory is screwed for the want of one country. Still, at least this will literally stop all violent crime in Europe, so we can sleep safely at night.

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Adults forced to wait up to buy games

Reports around the Internet, including NeoGAF, have revealed an irritating a?ge rest??riction on the European Wii U eShop. Regardless of whether you have a child account or not, you're unable to purchase 18-rated games until 11pm. 

Nintendo of Europe implemented this restriction without telling anybody, confusing customers who tried to buy games like ZombiU during the daytime and were given nothing but an error page. It has only been through prodding and poking that customers have worked out there's an arbitrary watershed restriction, and even when ?warnings are given, the eShop doe??sn't tell anybody what the times are.

The restriction seems to be based on Germany's television laws. No such restriction applies to digital distribution, but NoE m??ay be playing it safe and has tarred the entire region with the same brush. Once again, Germany's silly entertainment rules bugger things up. 

Stupid restriction, stupidly implemented, with a stupid lack of communication between ??Nintendo and its customers. Still, anything for the greater good, right?

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Gamers are a naturally creative bunch, and this can definitely be seen in the way that we come together to raise money for charity. This Thursday, December 8th, at the DNA Lounge in San Francisco, Ümloud will be hosting their third annual Rock Band night for the Child's Play chari?ty. Many different bands have gathered together and donated the?ir time and money to have a chance to perform on the big stage to benefit a great cause.

For just a $10 donation at the door, you will have the chance to watch these acts take the stage and entertain you. Also just for showing up, you will receive free swag that has been donated from various game companies and media outlets. Throughout the night, there will be raffles for some awesome limited edition swag and even a silent auction, allowing you the chance to nab stuff deemed too good to merely raffle away. So if you live in the San Francisco Bay ??area, definitely try your best to make it out for the fun this Thursday, starting at 7 pm! Members of the Dtoid staff and community are going to be there, so make sure to say hi and rock out with us!

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After roughly every single outlet in the UK blaming the London Riots on videogames, I was led to believe that perhaps we would experience a few months before some more insanity was thrown about by the mainstream media. Perhaps not. The Metro, a UK newspaper owned by the same media group as The Daily Mail, recently reported on a university study into Games Transfer Phenomena (GTP). Instead of reporting on anything definitive from the study, The Metro decided to lead with this: "Hardcore gamers become so immersed in virtual worlds that they turn to imaginary consoles to 'zoom in' to people?? in crowds or to pick things up from the floor, according to a study."

The study itself is rather shaky in its conclusions, testing 42 people ranging from ages 15 to 21 to see if gamers think about games after they play them and then transfer those thoughts to the real world. For instance, after playing Assassin's Creed, you begin to look at tall buildings in a different way, as something to be traversed rather than ignored. Was a study between three different universities in the UK and US really necessary for something like this? Only for it to be picked up and abused in such an incorrect way by The Metro?

While it can be argued that this is simply another easily forgotten piece of poor journalism, a large section of The Metro's million-strong readership will read this and believe it, yet again. Fortunately, the co-author of the study, Professor Mark Griffith, has hit back against The Metro in an interview with MCV UK, stating: "For one thing, we never said that [headline] in our paper and for a second thing, the findings don't even hint at that. The Metro, they obviously had an agenda -- because all [the reporter] said was?? that he just wanted to know about the negative stuff. I told him that the paper was primarily positive, or at least neutral. ?;He said 'I don't want to know about that, I want to know the negative stuff.' "

'Gamers are trapped in virtual world??s' and The Me??tro loses the plot [CVG]

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Nintendo World held a large 3DS testing event last week, and a troubling report claims that a "majority" of players suffered side effe??cts as a result of the 3D gimmickry.

Japanese magazine Friday claims that players suffered from dizziness and eye fatigue, and often switched the visuals to 2D within ten minutes. Apparently, holding the 3DS still can help with the?? strain, but that wasn't good enough for quite a few players. 

Friday appears to be?? the only member of the Japanes?e press running this report, with other articles remaining wholly positive about the system. Whether this is a lone voice of earnest warning or an attempt at scaremongering, we do not know. 

I guess you won't know for s??ure until your eyes turn black and disintegrate out of your face.

[Via The Magic Box]

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What's the deal with the PC version of Battlefield 1943? We still don't know for sure. The long-since-presumed-dea??d port of DICE's uber popular PlayStation Network and Xbox LIVE Arcade game is officially still on the way, but refunds are now being issued to those who want out.

Here's the word from an EA rep, courtesy of VG247: "All pre-orders can be canceled with refund at any time and we do not have any further information at this time about a release date for the PC version of Battlefield 1943." Same old same old.

My guess is DICE has its hands completely full with Battlefield 3 and the multiplayer component of Medal of Honor. If that's correct, guys, don't say anything. Even still, I'm really starting to question whether PC gamers will ever see their promised 1943 release.

EA issuing pre-order refunds for Battlefield 1943 PC, releas?e date still unknown [VG247]

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So, I guess it's a Holiday today. That's one of the reasons why I don't have a Sundays with Sagat to show you this week, which makes me very sad. To make up for it, I thought I'd try to throw tog??ether a couple of topical features. This first one is about patriotism; specifically, videogame patriotism.

One of the many things that I love about videogames is their power to take things that people don't take seriously enough, and show those people what's up for real. For example, people these days don't apply enough seriousness to the worship of our country. There was a time when the citizens of the United States knew how to stick together, knew how to prioritize each other, and knew who was worth talking to and who wasn't. These days, thanks to stuff like internet and cable television, that's all changed. Regular Americans interact with people from other countries every single day. That's probably why a lot of Americans have gotten the idea that maybe, just maybe, peo??ple who do not live in the United States might actually be worth a damn.

It's so ridiculous that it's almost funny, but it's also scary, and therefore, it makes me extremely angry. ??With that anger, I will summon up a piece videogame journalism that will show the world once and for all that America is better than every person, place or thing ever made, and that God loves America more than it likes other places.

Hit the jump for the full patriotic rundown.

Metal Wolf Chaos

Metal Wolf Chaos is a video game about the President of the United States battling with this Vice President guy for domination of the country. Instead of battling with the usual political arsenal (catch phrases, insults, pay-offs, and cover-ups) these guys duke it out with giant robots. It's basically Air Force One with metal gear, but here, they call them "metal wolve??s." If going from "gear" to "wolf" isn't an upgrade, I don't know what it.

Strangely enough, the game was only released in Japan. Why would Japanese people want to play a game about the American President riding around in a robot, kicking ass? While it adds ??up that they'd want to play a game about an awesome person doing awesome things, chances are that they'd have serious pr??oblems relating with the main character (for reasons too obvious to mention.)

More so, who thought that Americans wouldn't want to play a game like that? Did the game's Japanese developer/publisher assume that we might be a tad bit insulted to see our President single-handedly take out hundreds of American citizens while riding around in a mighty robot? Did they think the references to the Florida recount? and commonplace public executio?ns might hit too close to home for us?

They couldn't be more wrong. Not only are three of those true aspects of American life, but they're also part of what makes America so great. I applaud the Japanese for creating Metal Wolf Chaos, but I wish they'd shown a little more pride in their work, an??d resp??ect for Americans in the process.

Bad Dudes

The President is a brave and homicidal mech pilot, but when he's just hanging out, he's just a regular g??uy. When ninjas attack, he doesn't have much of a chance.

Don't act like you could do any better against, because you couldn't. I'm sure in your mind you have this whole "self defense routine" worked out, but these are ninjas we're talking about. They may not be American, but they probably are, and they're also ninjas, and terrorists too. America??ns, ninjas, and terrorists are the three most powerful forces? in the universe. Go up against that kind of power-pack, and you've got no way out but fucked.

For the sake of conversation,?? let's say you do have a chance; that you are a bad enough dude to take out the ninjas and save the President. What would you expect as a reward? If your answer is "It was my honor to s?erve you sir, and thanks for the burger", then you just might as great as you think you are.

Everybody knows that the more you want to go ou?t with a guy for a burger, th??e better leader of the free world he'd be. Bush, Reagan, and Clinton weren't the smartest men in the country at the time of their Presidencies, but everyone wanted to eat burgers with them. That's what got them elected, and that's why they're some of the best Americans ever.

I'd be willing to kick the crap out of a million ninjas if that's what it took to eat half a burger while g??azing in the eyes of those three charming gentlemen.

Campaign '84

Everything I need to know about politics I learned from Campaign '84 on the Colecovision.

First, you decide where you stand on a variety of important issues that Ameri??cans face every day, like saccharin or plaid socks. Then you need to decide, are you an elephant or a donkey? You better pick the right one, or else no one is going to ever take you seriously.

After that, you wander around in a black void for a while, touching time and avoiding bad press. When you're out of campaign hours, it's over! If you win, and you don't have to try a?nymore! If you lose, then just try again with mor??e money and less bad press. You'll get there eventually.

Yeah, that's the glory of American politics i??n a nutshell.

Parodious

Speaking of animals that represent America, check out this screen from Parodious. Doesn't it just make your heart soar with pride and power? The game is filled with ridiculous, idiotic imagery, yet when it came to repre??senting American, the game's developers knew that they needed to keep things serious.

The eagle in the top hat is the most powerful? boss in the game. You actually can't beat him, unless you let him invade your country, then bore hi?m to death with tedious "elections" and annoying "cultural instability that can't be remedied without years of work and trillions of dollars."

After that, he just sort of takes off, surely to spread his goodwill an??d leadership throughout the rest of the world.

What a cute little hat!

Grand Theft Auto IV

Another thing that's awesome about America is that foreigners love us. There's a lot of reasons for that, but "the freedoms" have a lot to do with it. No other country gives ??you the level of freedom that Am?erican does, including "freedom of body shape".

Want to? have a wobbly and soft body? We've ?got a McDonald's on every block for you. Want to have a rock hard body, face, and boobs? We've got almost as many plastic surgeons as we have McDonald's, and for almost as cheap.

Don't like fake boobs? Well, that's just un-American. I'm not sure I like you anymore, Niko Bellic. Maybe should should go back to Micrones??ia where you came from.

Sakura Wars: So long, my love

So, Niko Bellic may have failed at appreciating America??, but what do you expect? He's a stupid, ugly man with a thick accent and bad skin. My kind of foreigner is significantly less ugly and doesn't question American cultural norms.

That's why Sakura Wars is so great. It's got tons of foreigners in it, but they all love America, and th??ey all look exactl?y the same; like pretty, American ladies. They also know how to sing and dance, which is a good thing for foreigners to do.

Don't get the wrong idea, I'll never trust someone from another country. That said, America was based on the principal of letting non-Americans in to do stuff real Americans don't feel like doing. I don't know about you, but singing, dancing, and risking my life to protect my country from women with huge bunny ears is something I certainly don't feel like doing.

So keep up the good work, foreigners! Entertain me, and in your spare time, keep me safe from other foreigners. Just don't go looking for any rights or citizenship or anything. You ?can go b??ack to your own crappy country if you're looking for a free ride.

House of the Dead: Overkill

The game may have been made by British people (who are technically p??art American via reverse here??ditary), but they still seem to understand what makes America great. The game rewards you for a maximum kill-streak with a mode called "Goregasm", where your score multiplier goes through the roof and an American flags pops-up on screen to cheer you on.

Is there anything more American than the righteous mix of sex and violence? Sure, tons of things. Is there anything that Americans love more than the righteous sex and violence? Not that I know of. That's just one of the ways that House of the Dead: Overkill gives Americans th?e America ?that their bodies crave.

It's like Brondo in that way.

Fantavision

The Chinese may have created fireworks, but it was the Americans that first made them synonymous with something awesome -- America. What other country has a national anthem that boldly pays tribute to "the rocket's red glare" and "a bunch of bombs in the air?" I wouldn't know, because I'll never sully my ears by listening to the national anthem of another country. Why bother? Unless there is another country called "American 2: The New Batch", then I aint interested; not in it's burge??rs, it's breast implants, or it's theme songs.

Anyway, explosions are America. That's why we celebrate our country's birth by getting together in large groups and watching the sky flowers bloom. Purpose-free explosions = loud, gaudy, and dangerous = Fantavision = America. It's just that simple.

Someday, I'll see a fireworks show where each expl??osion takes the shape of giant fiery breast implant, Toby Kieth's face, and a cartoon eagle with a little hat on. That will be the day that I'll be ready to die, for I will have t?ruly embraced America in all its glory.

[Yes, this was supposed to be satirical, and no, I'm not drunk.]

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Fable creator and Microsoft Game Studi??os bigwig Peter Molyneux fell in some ice. While this is ordinarily not newsworthy, I just want you to imagine Peter Molyneux falling into some ice. It's pretty hilar??ious. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the guy's safe and alive, but c'mon ... Peter Molyneux. In ice. 

"Peter Molyneux just broke through pond ice in the Surrey Research Park," reports Lionhead Studios. "Both his sh??oes and the ma??n himself were saved ... Be careful on ice!"

It is believed that Peter Molyneux's slip into the ice was the greatest and most innovative slip into ice that the world of ice accidents has ever witnessed. The iconic designer has now revolutionized the way we look at ice and the inherent dangers within. Is there anything this man can't do?

[Via Lionhead Studios' Twitter]

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China's government-owned news channel has decided to blame videogames for young teen girls having sex and needing abortions. Online games have also been blamed for mass murder, following an "expose" at a prison camp where a killer blames gaming for his actions. Because, of course, the words of a psychopath should always be taken as gospel truth. 

China Central Television told the story of fourteen-year-old girl who was allegedly encouraged by an online dancing game to start having sex with people she met over the Internet. The game, known as Audition, suppo?sedly encourages one-night stands and this is the reason why the girl had to have two abortions. 

Even more amazing is the report that young boys have become addicted to cough medicine and methamphetamine in a twisted attempt to keep their energy going throughout all-nigh??t gaming sessions. They spend all their time at Internet cafes, surrounded by chain-smokers, using IM programs to co?mmunicate. 

In other news, f*ck the Chinese government. 

hina Continues War on Games with News Show [GamePolitics]

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While mainstream media outlets rally the braindead public against so-called "realistic" videogame violence, one comic book writer has gone in the opposite direction -- criticizing videogames for not being realistic enough with its more barbaric content. However, Landry Walker also notes that perhaps society is n??ot ready for such games. 

"I’ve been shot at a couple of times," he explains. "... In each instance, the bullets missed. Lucky me. Because there were no handy first aid packs or ?carefully planted green herbs lying around waiting. If I had been shot, I expect it would have been amazingly unli?ke a video game. Assuming the bullet did not inflict irreparable harm to my body, the experience of actually being shot (let’s assume a grazing strike to the shoulder) would have likely done irreparable harm to the cleanliness of my pants. 

"... I don’t want any of this out of some overbearing concern that we as a society are allowing ourselves to become numb to the grim realities of blah blah blah. Nope. I want a game that recreates that insane rush of endorphins an??d adrenaline or whatever it is after hearing a simple bullet crack past your ear. That&r??squo;s what games should be. So real that I just have to put down the controller for a minute because some part of my lizard brain is shaking in disbelief over the scenario I somehow managed to survive."

There are pros and cons to realism in games, of course. On the one hand a tense, hyper-realistic thrill ride would be potentially amazing. On the other, is real-life murder all that fun? Would it be enjoyable ?to get shot in the shoulder and then lose the use of your arm? Interesting, certainly, but a good laugh? It would take a lot of work and effort to effectively make that realistic a game. I'm certainly al?l for somebody attempting it, though.

Video Game Violence: What Do Gamers Really Want? [Elder Geek via GamePolitics]

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Warning: The following may not be suitable for minors who are living completely happy lives. Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to play this game if you have any other plans for the rest of your night, or if you or your family has a history of depression or rage induced blackouts. Destructoid is not responsible for any injuries or harm you or others around you receive while playing this ?game, but we are required to inform you that by playing this game you run the risk of epilepsy, self-inflicted bruises, mild to severe computer and accessories damage, cancer, and in some extreme cases, even death. Do not attempt to play this game at all if you are pregnant, operating heavy equipment, or are within reach of sharp objects. Good luck!

Today was a great day. Then I played this game. Don't be fooled by the amazingly upbeat and enjoyable music -- if you turn your volume down low you can hear Edward Norton's voice warning you that this game is Marla Singer, and that it will ruin *everything* good in your day. What he should be telling you is do not click on the menu button after you've started your game, because it will reset you back to level one, and there are no progress passwords. Also, ads refresh every few minutes and ensure that you lag and die. Also, I dare you to beat this game ?and share your screenshot in the comments.

The picture above is from a screenshot of when I finally needed to take a break from playing this game after about an hour of repeated failure and self-esteem evisceration. You'll notice I only beat a third of the game before hitting my boiling point, and that 9 successes came at the price of over 400 defeats. But before you go and do the math to predict what kind of torture ratio this game involves, you should know that ??I only had around 150 d??eaths when I started level 10. And I'm still not done with level 10. This game is exponential evil.

Also, you might die in seven days. Good luck!

The World's Hardest Game via AddictingGames, via Nickeloden, via Viacom. Q.E.D. Proof that Viacom is evil.

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There are young girls buried in the back yards of America that most likely have this image as the last thing they ever saw. It's allegedly a Pikachu ski mask but it looks like something only a perverse sex murderer would wear. I'm fairly certain Albert Fish had a mask just like th??is.

I really do wonder what possesses someone to create such items as this. I love videogames as much as the next guy, but I'm not prepared to risk being a rape suspect in order to boast my fa?ndom. Oh well, whatever get?s people off, I suppose.

This is the most ??newswor?thy thing I've seen so far this morning, by the way.

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I guess the PS3 really does do everything. Not content to be a game device, a Blu-ray player, and everything else Sony markets it as, the PlayStation 3 is also a handy tool used by police to crack into the com??puters of suspected pedophiles and hang?? their kiddy-porn-loving arses out to dry.

Cops traditionally have used $1,100 Dell PCs in order to crack the passwords of computers they seize under a search warrant. The computers would be used to run through the near 282 trillion possi?ble six-digit security codes avai?lable and crack into the PCs of pedophiles like they were delicious snow crabs.

However, cops have now discovered? that they c?an use videogame consoles in order to perform the same task at a fraction of the cost. The PS3 is considered by cyber crime agent Claude E. Davenport to be "perfect for large-scale library attacks."

Although the Xbox 360 is said to be capable of the same feat, the PS3 was chosen because cops could install Linux on it. So yeah, the PS3 now sends pedophiles to jail. Great stuff??.

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Moonwalker, the game everybody found an excuse to keep talking about after Michael Jackson died, finally has some relevant news attached to it. The game is scheduled for release on the Wii's Virtual Console, with European rating system PEGI spilling the beans.

Grabbing both children and your crotch, sometimes at the same time, Moonwalker puts you in the shoes of Michael "everybody who made fun of him suddenly pretended it wasn't funny anymore" Jackson. The world's very first real-life Splicer, Michael Jackson's mangled face was everywhere back in the good old days, be it film, television, and this ??here Genesis videogame. To be honest, the game's pre?tty crap, but nostalgia fans will likely love it. 

Anyway, there you go. Moonwalker will be coming to VC soon, and if you don't buy it, y??ou are disrespecting t?he dead and will go to Hell.

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It didn't take long. Modern Warfare 2's controversial footage showing civilians gunned down in an airport was confirmed only yesterday, and already people have decided to get offended and upset. For some reason, an Australian kids group has gotten itself flustered over the game's controversial segment, even though Modern Warfare 2 has never been marketed to children.

"The co??nsequences of terrorism are just abhorrent in our community and yet here we are with a product that's meant to be passed off as a leisure time activity, actually promoting what most world leaders speak out publ??icly against," states the Australian Council on Children and the Media. "We understand that it's a game but ... we're not far off when you look at the images that you could actually put it on a Channel Nine news report and you'd think maybe that is real."

Michael Atkinson, the man responsible for Australia's awf?ul age rating system, added: "Expecting game designers to be responsible by not glorifying terrorism will alw??ays lead to disappointment."

Fortunately, not everybody has missed the point of Infinity Ward's bold decision, with Electric Frontiers Australia lobbyist Nicholas Suzor demonstrating that he actually gets it: "Films often show the villain's perspective and, by doing that, they get across the character's story and the heinous nature of people who carry out atrocities. Games, too, are becoming more expressive, and are telling more involved stories ... We may make an argument that these sorts of topics are not suitab?le for children, but I don't at all accept that it is unsuitable ??for adults."

This, my friends, is only the beginning. Only yesterday did I predict that accusations of "glorification" and "trivialization" would follow in the wake of Modern Warfare 2, and the usual gang of reactionaries and ignorant, child-obsessed fools fail to disappoint me. And this is just Australia at the moment. I can't wait for the British ?and American media to get their hands on this. And they will.

The post ?Predictable: Modern Warfare 2?? footage upsets people appeared first on Destructoid.

You know what we've never run before? A story about some old, out-of-touch activist who claims that "studies show" videogames are bad for children. We've never written about people like that before, so let's write one on this unique fellow, South Carolina whingebag Tom Turnipseed. He wants the Consumer Product Safety Commission to ban certain games and toys. That's also his real name.

"It’s eas??ier for children to play with war toys than to learn how to read or play the piano," says Turnipseed, inadvertantly making war toys sound really good. "War toys teach children aggression. Aggression needs an outlet, but aggression can be played out in a non-violent manner with peaceful games.

"Children should know what really happens in a war. People are hurt, maimed and killed. War toys, games, television shows and movies using guns seldom show the real effect o??f what violence does to people. Studies indicate a direct correlation between exposure to media ??violence, especially interactive video games, and increased childhood aggression...

"Be?tter alternatives to children enjoying shooting at people and blowing up buildings are games that encourage the use of their minds, skills and physical dexterity in activities promotin??g the sanctity of life and peace."

We really do need to end the whole "studies indicate" bullsh*t. Anybody who invests even a little bit of time into actually researching this issue finds that "studies" show arguments for both sides of the debate, because that's all studies tend to exist for -- backing up the opinion of whoever conducts them. Anyway, "violent" games and toys will never be banned, so Tom Turnipseed's plans ar??e about as ludicrous as his name.

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Yesterday, we told you about a 12-year-old boy who committed suicide after his parents banned him from gaming. The most curious aspect of the story was the fact that Thailand's overbearing Ministry of Health did not use the death as an excuse to exercise more of its heavy-handed control over the country's games industry, as it usually does whenever game-themed violence appears. Seems like we spoke too soon on that count, as the Thai Government has been closing down dozens of gaming and gambling Web sites in the name of protecting the chilluns.??

Seventy-two Web sit??es have been shut down without any formal investigation, all thanks to Thursday's suicide. Quite why online gambling sites were also targeted is unclear, since they seemed to have nothing to do with the case in question. Still, Thailand's authorities will use any excuse to exterminate things they don't like, so it's probable that the gambling sites were lumped in merely to satisfy an ulterior?? agenda. 

This is par for the course with Thailand, and the only shocking thing is that something like this didn't happen while 12-year-old Pongsathorn Wattanabenjasopha's body was still warm. Thailand's usually quicker tha?n this when it comes to repressing any form of interactive entertainment. 

Way to use a boy's death ?to push your own motives.?? Classy.

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The Parent's Television Council, an organization dedicated to telling other people what to do, has applauded Arnold Schwarzenegger's decision to appeal to the US Su??preme Court over the dismissal of his hypocritical 2005 violent videogame law. The law would make the voluntary ESRB guidelines a compulsory and legally enforced measure, which was deemed unconstitutional and struck down. 

"This California law was designed to enforce the videogame industry’s own voluntary retail guidelines ... Our own research found that videogame retailers sell M-rated video games to minors 36% of the time. Clearly, this law is needed," claims the PTC, before outright lying. "The [video game] industry doesn’t follow its own rules, and they don??’t want a consequence for vio??lating them."

These rules that the game industry don't follow? Would they be the rules that demand everything be passed through the ESRB for rating? The rule that's, y'know, followed by everyone looking to release a retail game? Perhaps the PTC would be taken more seriously by th?e industry if it didn't feel the need to embellish an??d lie. For such a morally upstanding group, they don't seem too fond of telling the truth. 

The violent videogame law is unconstituational and will never pass. Not only is it disgusting for a man who has profited from many violent movies to suddenly target videogames, it's also disgusting that millions upon millions of taxpayers' money has been sunk into the black hole of attempted videogame legislation. We are in a frigging recession and cash is just thrown around like candy to support a self-serving politician's pet peeve. Applauding such a huge was??te of money is absolutely pathetic and the PTC should be ashamed of itself.

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Quite why something like this hasn't been implemented sooner is beyond me, but it seems that Texas' legal system has finally caught up with the modern age and is considering a new bill that requires kiddy fiddlers to register their online game handles. It could even stop them p??laying games online completely. 

HB 22 is currently being written, and will likely include all known avenues of online gameplay, including Xbox Live, PlayStation Home and Second Life. I??t's quite shocking to think that convicted ?pervoids are currently allowed anonymous access to these services, but hopefully this will become a properly enforced law. 

It's also being suggested that HB 22 could go as far as to completely ban known sexual predators from online games altogether, which would of course be the best thing. The bill currently proposes that dirty bastards be banned from using the Internet to access social networking sites. The intepretation of such a rule could extend to online games, meaning that if you decide to s??hag a kid, you can kiss your Xbox Live subscription goodbye. 

I know if I were a pedo, the threat of not being able to play Killzone 2 anymore would be a crucial deterrent. This c?ould save l?ives!

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Anti-marijuana campaign Above The Influence is targeting gamers by demonstrating how bad their playing skills can get while feeling the effects of funny cigarettes. Pointing out the ef?fects of pot on your memory, perception and eye-hand coordination, Above The Influence makes its message clear -- a high game??r is a FAIL gamer.

"Getting high affects your brain in ways that may directly influence your gamin?g ability," claims the group on its Web site. "... Getting high affects everything from your reaction time to reasoning skills."

The anti-drug folk even go as far as to produce a video of a fake videogame character lamenting the demise of her gamer companion, mourning the loss of skill and swiftness because he "decided to get high." A modern tragedy for our times, I'm s??ure you'll agree. 

While this new campaign initiative falls somewhat under the banner of "cynical attempts to be relevant by people who probably don't know anything about the demographic they're targeting," it's still quite an interesting and unique spin on an old, familiar and ignored message. Since plenty of gamers smoke pot, I? doubt this?? will have any significant impact, but I have to award Above The Influence points simply for creativity. 

Just once though, I'd like to see these organizations talk about the true cost of drugs -- the fact that most people who take them very quickly become incredibly boring "individuals" who spend a ridiculous amount of time talking about how many drugs they've had, are having, or will have a?fter work. Seriously Dave, nob?ody CARED how much puff you smoked!

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There’s been a lot of talk recently about UC Berkeley’s class on Starcraft. Seems many people are blown away that a school as well-known as Cal would be giving units for playing a ten-year-old computer game. I mean, seems pretty insane. What has American academia come to? Teaching people how to play Starcraft??

So I got a little curious about this whole endeavor. I mean, as a Cal student myself, what does a class on Starcraft mean for the students taking it? So Thursday night, I walked across campus, entered the building where the class was taking place, and prepared myself fo??r the experie??nce.

The first thing to greet my vision? Well, that would be the line of nerdy guys (and, I'll be honest, a lot of Asian students) with laptops sitting outside the classroom. That's when I knew I was in for a pretty hardcore night of Starcraft.

Hit the jump for my learning experience.

Now, let’s be clear: the Starcraft course is not quite what it seems. Yeah, this is a course on Starcraft, but no, it&??rsquo;s not a "real" class in the traditional sense. The course is what Berkeley calls a "DeCal," which is their hippie method of "democratic education." Hell, you can only take the class pa??ss/no pass, and the units don't even apply to your general GPA.

Basically, Starcraft DeCal 2009 (as it is officially called) is a two unit course taught by two of my fellow undergrads, Alan Feng and Sherwin Mahbod. While this might sound disappointing to some, the reality is that Starcraft is taught by two really dedicated guys who want to bring an academic flair to teaching people how to play this game. An attitude like that is pretty refreshing, even if all I'm le??arning is the latest method of the Zerg Rush.

Anyway, settling down in the back of the class, I knew things would be interesting. Although I have never played Starcraft and didn’t quite know what exactly was going on, seeing forty or so other people in a classroom genuinely excited for what they were learning was fantastic. When Alan and Sherwin would ask questions about units size or resource costs, people would be quick to offer a response. Armor stats were discussed, animation frames were valid question topics, the comparison between "low game" and "high game" play-styles were made, and even comparisons to Super Smash Bros. Melee was OK for our education.

While watching YouTube clips of "high game" level Koreans doing insane stuff with their units, you could tel?l every single person in the room was glued to the screen. And when ??something cool would happen? The whole class would erupt into loud cheers.

I’ve never seen that in my Modern American Literature c?lass.

While the content of the course is amazingly fun (I mean, ultimately you’re gonna be graded on how well you play a videogame), just as interesting were the ??people who were there. Obviously, there were hordes of college males, and even a few of their girlfriends. However, there were plenty people just curious like myself.

For example, there were two Berkeley graduate students who were applying A.I. to robotics, and were looking to learn more on human intelligence as applied to real-time strategy games. My response to them was a slightly dropped jaw, and?? an appreciation for Engineering majors. They just smiled and walked on.

Others who showed up were students from other schools who had heard about this course from videogame and fan Web sites. I know of one guys who drove two hours from San Jose just to sit in on a Starcraft course, even though he already kn??ew most of the stuff. His buddy, a recent Berkeley graduate himself, was willing to come back to Berkeley to see this class.

Even the Starcraft community came out in support for the class. Two guys who only introduced themselves as Noah and Christian are actually very active members of Starcraft fan sites. Noah even provides the English commentary on some of the Starcraft videos on YouTube, and he had driven almos??t 100 miles just to support the c?lass.

I’ve got to say, even though this class isn’t taught by paid faculty, these peopl?e are about as professional as it ges.

So while I don’t see myself actually signing up for the course (I mean, my courses on Firefly and High-Elvish have conflicting schedules), I am blown away by what Alan and?? Sherwin have done. While games have a long ways to go before they are being taught like a film studies course, this DeCal is a ??great step in the right direction.

So when can I take a class on Musicianship and Rock Band, huh?

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New York, the state that seems to be in love with videogame legislation, is at it again, this time thanks to Assemblyman Keith L.T. Wright. Wright is the man who wants to combat games that enforce racist stereotypes, but he also wishes to do something quite astounding -- he longs for those evil, nasty, violent videogames to be sealed away in locked containers like plutonium. 

This defender of children's sanity wishes to protect all the kiddies from any game that "glamorizes ... the commission of a violent crime, suicide, sodomy, rape, incest, bes??tiality, or sado-masochism ..." Games would be expected to carry warning labels -- since so many of them feature sado-masochistic bestial sodomy -- with a potential fine of $1,000 for those publishers that don't comply. 

It's the proposal, however, that such games be made "inaccessible to the general public" or "in a sealed and locked conta??iner" that really astounds me. Videogames are now a?s harmful as nuclear waste, it would seem, and should be kept away from society for fear of contaminating the population. 

If you want to read the proposal, check it out. It's quite badly written and probably won't go anywhere, because it's abs??urd and based on purely subjective assumptions. Still, if any stat??e would write it into law, New York would.

When is that city just going to admit its politicians are loopy and start actually forcing Blu-ray discs to stand trial as if they're al?ive?

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It's not like I have cash to spare during this busy season, so maybe I should be thankful that Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? is heading up X??box LIVE Arcad?e this week rather than something halfway decent.

One might argue that I don't fall under the target audience of Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? and it appeals to someone entirely different. Ordinarily, I'??d agree with that sentiment, but not when the title in question ?costs 1200 Microsoft Points.

At that price, the only people who will buy this game will ultimately never be able to finish it as they'll likely be dumber than a 5th grader.

It's not all bad news, though. Marble Blast Ultra will recieve a free multi?player level complete with one new achievement on Wednesday as well.

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